Mute​

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I think I’m losing my voice but it always comes back 
When I try to show someone else
Thought I was losing my mind but the real problem is 
That I still haven’t found myself

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Every morning I wake up, empty out all my thoughts
Onto paper that sits and rots
Every evening I let go, sit and stare at my phone
Tell myself that I need to be alone

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But I am anxiously awaiting
Any content that you’ll give me
Want to tell you that I’m sorry
So you’ll tell me you forgive me
Wasted days spent rearranging 
Sets of words and punctuation 
Pointless chaos punctuated 
By your pointed conversation 
I’m afraid to say the wrong thing
I don’t know how you never do
I guess it’s not that complicated 
When you’re saying something true

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When I was one year old
I could say lots of words
I was destined for something great
Then I spent twenty-one years pretending I was mute
So I could avoid my fate

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Call me at the end of the day
I have nothing to say
I let everything fall and roll away
It’s a matter of time before I start to cry
Cause I don’t even know which thoughts are mine

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But I don’t want to stick my head out
When we hide beneath the blanket
The truth is somewhere in my body
And someday I’ll articulate it 
Sometimes I can make some meaning
Of all the words and punctuation
But soon I feel myself careening 
Through a sloppy explanation
I think you have a right to hate me
For all the empty words I use
But I will tell you that I love you
And I’ll be saying something true

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